Pragmatic Hedonism…

Hedonism:  “The ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.”

Pragmatism: “A reasonable and logical way of doing things or of thinking about problems that is based on dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories.”

I… declare myself a PRAGMATIC HEDONIST. – Not only do I practice pragmatic hedonism in my everyday-life; I also practice it in my sexual life. Do you know HOW MANY people, both men and women would LOVE to live their life in sexual freedom? Admittedly, I don’t know ‘for sure’… but, other than me, a college-friend, a couple of people I knew in the Midwest, and a handful more…  – Well, WE are it (to my knowledge.

Now, with that being said, a lot of you know me EXTREMELY well… We’ve been communicating private issues to each other since about 2005. I’ve mentioned several times that I’m not only a practitioner & participant of sex… I’m ALSO an academic “STUDENT” of sex. Over the years, and I mean from my teen years forward… I have been VERY interested in WHY we do the sexual things we do, — and NOT just physical; — the MENTAL, and the SOCIAL aspects are equally important.

As to a little background here…  I read the standard ‘high-school’ sexual reference material… both from the high school syllabus AND the ‘under-the-table’ material supplied by my fellow students. The high school educational material was about REPRODUCTION, and NOT about sexual gratification. The material from my peers (just guys, – no girls) was “implied” titillation; consisting mostly of naked (or semi-naked) women; thus… leaving the rest of the titillation to the interpretation (both conscious and unconscious) of the viewer. No one was particularly curious as to WHY we got an erection, it was satisfactory to HAVE the erection and the incumbent ejaculation; (Nothing wrong with that, of course.)

From a female point of view, I ‘asked’ / ‘interviewed’ / ‘explored’ various girls and women about their sexual response / interpretation / evaluation… over the years. — 98% assured me that “sex was just for MARRIAGE and also to have babies.” — The few who DID (reluctantly) talk about sex actually ‘feeling good’; were embarrassed to admit it. Other than the point that the conversations were frequently involved in “foreplay”, and therefore intimacy… I got nowhere in understanding the “mechanism” of sex. I’m sort of a ‘hobby-scientist’, and understanding the “why” of almost anything is important to me.

As I left high school and went on to college, my curiosity grew. Instead of only looking at the pictures of naked women in Playboy magazine; I also started actually READING the articles inside; ESPECIALLY the editorial page, written by Hugh Heffner. His observations and advocacies began to open my mind (instead of just arousing my dick) to the intricacies of sex. That “expansion of knowledge” provoked me to continue the search for a fuller understanding of sex.

Well guess what… there was VERY little. There were tons of books, magazines, and articles on the functioning and (supposed) morality / immorality and reproduction-aspects of sex, but there was practically none on understanding the ‘erotic’ nature of sex. Put another way, very few of us would DARE to use a spoon that was dropped on the floor of a restaurant. And yet, we (collectively)… gleefully put our mouth on the actual penis, vagina, and anus of another person’s body. Admittedly, I’m an eager participant, but to me, (intellectually) that seems strange (and contradictory.)

As vast as the subject of sex is… (i.e., the WORLD has seven BILLION people on it)… zillions of gigabits of visual depiction… and millions of words written about it… there have realistically only been TWO major efforts to UNDERSTAND the mores and eroticism of the various aspects of physical and emotional sex. Alfred Kinsey, of The Kinsey Institute ( came first; — then, several years later, Masters and Johnson (  researched more into the subject. — “And Folks… that’s it”… TWO authoritative studies THAT WERE DONE IN THE 50s and 60s.

Does that seem strange to you? I mean we (collectively) practically REVOLVE around all aspects of sex, and yet there are only two AUTHORITATIVE research organizations delving into the intricacies of sex. Think of the acknowledged interest-level involved: — ‘hetero-sex’, ‘homo-sex’, ‘bi-sexual sex’, ‘inter-family sex’, ‘adult-child sex’, ‘cross-species sex’, – just to name a few. A brief gander into ‘pornographic-sex’ found easily on the Inter-Web  can ASTOUND the viewer with the “inter-loopings” of practically ANY kind of sex one can imagine.

So, what am I getting at here, right? Well… it’s THIS… In my opinion / observation / practice / and research… practically NOTHING is actually understood of (arguably) the most popular subject on the planet… SEX! – I perceive myself as a hobby-‘visionary’ on anthropological, physical, cultural sex. Here’s what I have concluded so far… “SEX IS GOOD” for us. Note that I didn’t say “marital” sex. – Let me repeat, SEX IN GENERAL IS GOOD FOR OUR SPECIES; and NOT just from a reproductive standpoint.

On the other hand, “restrictive” sex, — marital/couple/gender-fidelity (if you will) creates associations that negatively affect ‘bonds’ between people.   —  BUT… UN-restrictive sex, allows freedom within relationships and (more importantly) a greater understanding of ourselves. — I submit that millions of people, couples, societal “groupings” at large… would be happier in their overall lives if they could freely (without psychological / cultural guilt) “sexually-bond” with other consenting individuals. – It’s interesting to note that traditional gender-restrictions, marital-restrictions, more-restrictions, even age and species-restrictions are essentially without merit and actually CAUSE stress, strife, and discord.

As a modest visionary, I already see our American culture “progressing” toward a greater sexual ‘harmony’. — These days, it is without question okay to have a sexually erotic  involvement with other people. In fact, just a casual amount of “google-research” reveals that almost 60 percent of men…  and  45 percent of women will “cheat” at some point in their marriages. And get this: 1 out of every 2.7 couples have actual “affairs” to various continuing degrees.

One more point… in my view, “Uber” is re-inventing the world. ‘Uber’ isn’t ONLY an ‘ad-hoc’ taxi service… I did just a little research on it, and it turns out that “more than 25% of Uber drivers” report that they have sex with their customers. – Therefore, I think… in the very immediate future, older husbands will summon an Uber-driver to come over and service his still-sexually-responsive wife. In fact, I had an actual conversation with a guy recently about this very thing. – I was telling him that I thought the “Uber-concept” was revolutionizing America.

I told him it wouldn’t be long before there were “Uber-Food”, “Uber-errands”, “Uber-dry cleaning”, “Uber-etc.”… Get this, he actually told me that he got an Uber-driver to come over every other Sunday to have sex with his wife. He said not only did she like it; he added that he liked to watch the driver screw her.  — If you think about it, it DOES make sense… Everybody’s happy, the wife got laid, the Uber-driver got paid, and hubby had an erotic experience watching his wife with her legs up in the air, and spread.

In a way, “Uber IS America” — Much like “Burger King’s” motto, “Have it your way.”

Hey, to be honest, I think it’s ALL good, and I really do hope America continues to unbind itself from “the old ways” of sexual activity; and ‘free’ itself into the new ways of sexual gratification. . — What did the ‘Hippies’ say back in the 60s? — “If it feels good, DO it.” – They were right then, and even more right now.

As always… “Your thoughts?”

What do YOU think? Drop me a note; tell me about your experience in the area… Guy or Gal, get it off your chest.

I promise I’ll respect your confidence and won’t share you experience with anyone. – Here’s my email address:

Also, here’s the link to some of my other work – take a look and BUY something (especially if you like this blog.)


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